Howl to the Moon
by South Western Djinn
Summary: This is a shapeshifter world, Hisagi Shuuhei and Kensei Muguruma. Some Hisagi x Tousen as well
1. Chapter 1

**Note:** everyone is a shapeshifter. This means that instead of shikai and bankai they have two different animal forms and a combined form.

Ferals= hollows

Any other questions just ask! :D

Kensei spat out blood, staining his white fur a dark crimson. He snarled viciously at the wildcat, Tousen. How dare he! The tiger prowled about the black fur shimmering with stripes of orange fire.

Kensei's mind was a fog of pain. All he could see was red and all he could feel was a mindless desire to destroy.

Tousen, damn him! And Aizen too! They circled Kensei and his fallen comrades, smiling through their teeth as the former shapeshifters were reduced to slavering animals, uncontrollable in their bloodlust. It overcame the mind like a strange heat haze, blurring the line between right and wrong, sane and insane.

Aizen gestured to the pathetic battlefield and drawled in his cold calculating voice, "Enough. They are finished. Soon they will turn on one another and our dilema of witnesses null and void. Let's go." He turned and stalked out of the grove of pines, the stench of blood thick and cloying in the air.

Gin snickered once, his snake tongue flickering between his lion's teeth. He padded after his master, his tail flickering his other tongue, savoring the sickly sweet scent, as he too, left.

Tousen was last. He slunk to where Kensei had fallen and raised his lips, exposing the long fangs of his tiger form. He snarled low and menacing with sadistic pleasure, _"Thank you for trusting me so implicitly. That pack instinct of yours was the death of you."_ He smiled revealing more teeth than Shinji could on a good day and stalked off into the forest. Even after he was gone the heavy musky scent lingered behind him like a poison.

Kensei howled in frustration and grief. He had trusted that bastard and he had killed his squad and lieutenant! All of them! He dropped his head, hoping to see one of them from where he lay. Surely one of them was alive? Just one? _ANYONE?_ He screamed in his despair and fury. He let his head thump to the ground. He was so very close to complete madness or complete unconciousness, he couldn't tell which. Faintly he felt another shapeshifter respond to his call. He whined in disapointment when he realized it was not of his pack. _Wait_. Yes he did know that prescence. _It was the pup!_ As his eyes began to slip shut he tried to say something, ANYTHING to the young wolf so far away. But he was too weak and the connection too faint.

As he slipped into unconciousness he heard Urahara above his head. "My, my, what a mess we have here."

**6 years later…**

Gasping for breath, Hisagi Shuuhei raced around another corner just a few steps ahead of the maddened wildcat. Something had caused the beast to turn feral and now it was on the warpath. Aoga and Kanisawa were dead, mauled by its claws and serrated canines. He dodged again as it snarled, the sound loud enough to shake the branches of the trees around them and echo off the mountain rocks. It snarled and slashed at his unprotected back, going for a maiming wound. Yelping, he managed to trip and slide underneath the enraged animal ending up on the other side.

Unfortunately for him it was much faster than he had reckoned. It turned on a dime and slashed at his head.

Shuuhei cried out, an unnatural mix of his human scream and the howl of a wolf. The eerie call echoed around the training woods as he desperately tried to dodge another blow. His wolf form could take the pain much better than his weak human body could, but the haze of red over his right eye distracted him and made him half blind.

_Funny, _he thought, _the things that pop into your head at times like this. People always think blood is red…its not…_he dodged another slash of the maddened cat's claws and tasted the blood from his face pooling in his jaws_…its black. _The dark coppery scent filled his nostrils and sent him into a panic. He snarled and launched himself at the creature; jaws fully extended to rip and tear at the soft skin of its throat. He bit at the exposed fur but couldn't get a firm grip. It swatted him away like a bug and he landed on his side a few yards away, gasping for breath.

He felt like he'd been stepped on by an elephant and then run over by a train. His side was on fire and every breath was agony.

Just as the feral cat was about to pounce on him and stop his breath for good, three other shapeshifters came to his rescue, a brown dog, a red python, and a golden eagle. The halfgrown shapeshifters stood over the fallen wolf as best they could, snarling and snapping at the wildcat.

Shuuhei struggled to his feet, the white fur of his chest stained pink and red from the blood dripping down his muzzle. He snarled at the crazed shifter and tried to wipe the blood off with a paw. It hurt like a bitch and only made his paw as bloody as his face. He gave up, growling deep in his throat with frustration and fear.

The young eagle fluttered its feathers nervously, a sign of early takeoff. The python whipped around and hissed venomously at it.

_"What are you doing, Izuru? We can take it!"_ The ruby eyes glittered angrily at the bird.

It flapped its wings and screeched in agitation, _"You don't know that! We're going to die! I don't want to die!"_

The young female dog stepped up beside Shuuhei, her small shoulders brushing against his fur. On closer inspection she wasn't a dog, more of a coyote or a dingo; certainly not as tame as she had first appeared.

She snarled, her small muzzle wrinkling with ferocity. _"Don't think that way, Izuru! None of that matters!"_

_ "But—!"_

_ "She's right!"_ Shuuhei flattened his ears and growled; a low vibration deep in his chest. They were a team, a hunting pack, they could take it down. _"We got this!"_

With a cacophony of shrieks, howls, barks, and vicious hissing, they lunged on the attack only to be stopped before they reached their target.

From out of the darkness came two more shapeshifters; older and infinitely more powerful. The first was a silver chimera. Its lion's head locked around the beast's throat and its long snake tail striking again and again until the enraged beast shivered and collapsed.

The chimera began licking the blood off of its face and grooming itself, the snake head on the end of its tail flickering its tongue in and out contentedly, as if nothing worth mentioning had happened. Not far behind him came another shifter, still in his form as a man.

A tall man, with a kind face and deep brown eyes. All the warmth in the world was in his smile and just like that they fell into his shadow.


	2. Chapter 2

Hisagi Shuuhei, the last wolf shapeshifter in Seireitei, stalked down one of the many alleyways that made up the underworld of the huge metropolis. The day was far too bright and innocent for his tastes. That was the time for prey to be happy and content, certain that in their shallow little world nothing could harm them. Night was his time, when predators padded silently as shadows down dark alleys lit only by the violent colored lights of the city that flashed like the pulse of some strange, wild heart.

He had taken to drifting about nightclubs lately. His captain Tousen had left, betraying them all and more and more Hisagi found his desire for mindless oblivion his constant companion. He had grown to love the feeling of nothing at all. Like a run through a forest, his thoughts trickling away until all he knew was the steady pounding of his paws on hard packed earth, and the deep, internal metronome of his heart.

Since Seireitei was on high alert after the defection of Aizen, Gin and Tousen, all personnel were strictly forbidden from going anywhere outside the city's borders without a full squad and explicit permission from the top. Since a lowly acting captain such as himself was not a top priority he had taken to finding artificial "emptiers".

Tonight he was dressed casually, in what some might have called grungy. He wore a long-sleve, black t-shirt with a design of a silver dragon swirling across his pecs and shoulders. Around his neck hung a simple silver cross, pointed at its base like a dagger. His long legs were encased in tight black jeans, frayed at the cuffs and knees from long use that spoke of practicality over vanity.

As he approached the door he saw the bouncer's eyebrows rise. Hisagi was by no means famous, however due to his part in the defection of the three captains word had gotten around and as usual the rumors had been more than a little inflated. The bouncer didn't give him trouble though, it was a Friday night, and everyone was entitled to their fun, as he saw it. The man grinned crookedly and waved him through. Hisagi nodded his thanks and stepped into the Gotei 13.

The club was like a small coliseum with a roof. Arches and pillars circled the walls, their dark apertures leading to more private alcoves. Between the walls and the center floor were tables set up on a narrow ledge that surrounded the dance floor. The tables and dance floor were separated by steel railings in modern geometric designs. Four staircases led down to the dance floor sunk into the center of the room. It was tiled in the numbers 1 through 13 in a large spiral that started at the door and ended in the center of the club with a large thirteen in black obsidian.

One of the bartenders noticed him standing uncertainly at the top of the steps and yelled across. "You're group is already here! Table at mid-back!"

Hisagi waved his hand at the man and disappeared into the sea of gyrating bodies. He let himself be carried away to the beat of the song, across the room to where his friends had already begun their night of carousing. He leaped up from the dance floor and swung himself into the open seat.

"Oh yeah right, like you know!" Renji scoffed at Ikkaku.

Ikkaku, a little flushed from the drinks in front of him, loudly disagreed. Yumichika sighed and fluffed his hair.

Rangiku was deeply engaged in conversation with Momo and Kira when she spotted Hisagi. "Shuuhei! I was wondering if you were coming!"

The usually somber lieutenant grinned, "Ah, you know I wouldn't miss a chance to see your loveliness."

Rangiku laughed and blew him a kiss with her usual bubbly attitude. Matsumoto, as always, knew how to make an impression. She was wearing a bright red halter dress with a plunging neckline that bared her chest all the way to her belly button. Friction alone was holding her in it. The skirt reached to just below her knees and reminded Hisagi of some bright tropical flower. To complete the ensemble Rangiku was wearing strappy black stilettos that circled her ankles and calves, ending in black bows.

Shuuhei was well on his way to the underside of the table when Rangiku turned and clutched at his arm. "Shuu! Dance with me!"

He blinked blearily at her and smiled, "Why?"

"This is one of my favorite songs! I have to dance to it!" She gushed.

Before he could say anything else she hauled him down to the dance floor.

Shuhhei felt woozy and light, like the sparkling lights that reflected from the twisting disco ball, being whirled to and fro. Rangiku danced with the gusto and grace of a mature woman. Her devilishly red flower opening and closing every time she twirled, teasing the ever watchful bees.

After the first stanza Rangiku sidled closer to him and whispered in his ear, "I know why you're so blue!"

As they separated and turned Shuuhei kept his eyes on her. "Know what?" He asked louder than he had intended.

Rangiku laughed and shushed him, twirling in closer and explained, "I know why you've been coming here so often."

Hisagi didn't look at her, instead watching her hair as it swung from side to side.

She came in again taking the offered arm and pirouetting beneath it she said, "You're lost in love!"

As she said those words Hisagi felt the truth of them. Lit from behind by the rays of the strobing lights Rangiku's hair was transformed into violent clouds of fiery sunsets and dark blue storm clouds. A tempest of emotion. Looking at her now he could see how the ambiguous captain Gin had fallen for her.

She came in close and slow danced with him. The song had changed but Hisagi couldn't hear the words. She whispered low and persuasive, old sorrow and pain in her voice, "I know how you feel. Its hard to pick yourself up after that, trust me I know!" She smiled at him and twirled under his arms staying close to him with his arms wrapped around her body. She continued in a quieter, stronger tone. "It sucks to have someone you love leave you behind…but he's gone now and it's about time you realized that. If they didn't stay around for you then they obviously are not worth waiting for."

As they turned for the final time she stared into his eyes, gray on green. "Go out and really start looking at people. Find someone new and let go of what hurts!" She grinned and her bouncy tone returned as she jabbed him the ribs playfully and sauntered away. "You need to find yourself a _man_, Shuuhei!"

Hisagi stood at the border of Seireitei, the fickle wind gusting at his back as if to push him forward. He swayed with the unseen hands, his balance precarious in his drunken state. It had been so long since he had really let go. He had taken on all he could in an effort to drive away the painful memories Tousen had left behind but it wasn't enough. Even topping that exhaustion with alcohol hadn't helped. As far as Hisagi was concerned it was time to go back to basics.

He hadn't embraced his wolf form since he had become Tousen's lieutenant. He called it forth now with a drawn out howl that called to the loneliness within every heart.

With that long cry he raced off into the woods destroying ferals as he came upon them.

A few hours after moonrise Kensei sat by a small river and watched the moon come up. He watched the reflection of that pure entity rippling and glimmering on the waters surface like liquid fire or a fallen star. He loved the transience of water; the simple and powerful beauty of change.

The faint breeze brought with it the scent of blood and the musk of a shapeshifter. Kensei settled into a stealthy crouch to wait.

A young wolf, padded up to the river on silent paws and lapped at the cold water like there was no tomorrow. It was a large male, tall at the shoulders but not very burly, more of a hunter than a fighter, Kensei judged. Black fur ran from head to tail and swirled into diamond patterns on his shoulders and flanks leaving his paws belly and face a pristine white.

Shuuhei pulled his muzzle out of the water and gazed down at his reflection. It was hard to see here with the water running over the small stones on the bottom but he could make it out. The face of a wiry wolf, a predator, a pack animal.

As soon as that thought crossed his mind his reflection morphed into a darker beast with haunting eyes and razor sharp fangs. Still a predator, but no pack animal.

Kensei started in surprise as the shapeshifter gave out a strange cry somewhere between a howl and a shriek and dived into the water. It slashed and snapped at the surface as though to kill some unseen demon. As suddenly as it had begun the fit stopped. The shapeshifter stood sopping wet in the shallow current of the river panting and staring off into the distance. Then it turned and bolted for the deeper parts of the woods.

Kensei stared after it. He knew of only one creature who acted like that. A feral. He shifted into his own powerful wolf form, a big alpha with white and silver pelt, and raced after the other shapeshifter, preparing himself to bring it down.

Hisagi gasped and sobbed, snarling with frustration and grief. _Tousen! How could you! _He howled on the run, the song a lament for the fallen and a battle cry for those left behind.

He slowed and let his wolf form fade away like water trailing off the body after a long swim. A slow rippling shimmer that faded away to nothing. He stopped, panting harshly and leaned his head on a tree. He let himself slide down until he rested on the ground. He could feel his skin turning into gooseflesh as the cold night wind ran its fingers over his bare flesh sending the droplets of water and blood to slide and mingle.

As he watched the dark mercurial liquid drip from his body he found himself remembering other times he had had blood on his skin.

Tousen's hands on his chest, his mouth on his own, hot with passion and need. Lips trailing down his body biting and nipping until he bled. Always until he bled, where no one could see…

With a savage snarl he slammed his hand into the tree. Suddenly he felt another presence he hadn't noticed it until it was almost on top of him.

He snarled and shifted into his wolf form. The alcohol had mostly worn off and he was ready and waiting when the shapeshifter stalked out of the dark underbelly of the forest.

It was a powerful male wolf, probably an alpha if his attitude was any indicator. It was about the same height at the shoulders as Hisagi but much brawnier. Hisagi could see the hardened muscles stretch and tighten beneath the white fur as he circled the patch of moonlight Hisagi stood in.

They stared at one another for a long time. Neither moved a whisker or made a sound.

The older wolf huffed and stepped into the circle of moonlight his ears laid back and his lips curling up in a snarl.

As soon as Hisagi saw the shifter under the bright light of the moon he felt his heart stop and his mind freeze. As the alpha walked toward him on the attack it was all Hisagi could do to not shift back into a human and weep or scream and flee. It was him! It was Kensei Muguruma! His idol! His savior! It had been sixteen years since Hisagi had last seen him and he hadn't changed at all; broad white shoulders and silver ears and the tribal patterns that burned with a metallic radiance beneath the moon.


	3. Chapter 3

Kensei couldn't understand it. The twerp had been all set to fight him a second ago, but the instant that Kensei had stepped into the moonlight the ferals ears had flown straight up and his dark eyes had widened until Kensei could see the whites.

Now the dark wolf straightened from his crouch and stood in a non-aggressive manner. Kensei stopped out of range and quirked his head in puzzlement. The younger shifter saw this and hesitantly took a step forward. Kensei hesitated for a heartbeat longer then dropped his lips and raised his ears. On closer inspection the kid didn't seem like a feral. He was far too conscious of his own actions.

Shuuhei sighed in relief as the older male's aggressive stance dropped and he stepped forward to meet Shuuhei. They began to introduce themselves in the way of their animal counterparts. A good sniffing.

Kensei's guard was lowered as he sniffed the younger wolf. Pine, earth, blood, water and musk were the usual and they all checked out. Then he came to the right shoulder. A darker heavier musky smell oozed from his shoulder. A familiar musk, a scent he would not forget for as long as he lived. Kaname Tousen.

Hisagi sniffed at his mentor. The smell of the woods and his own deep musky scent were all Kensei kept. All of a sudden Kensei stiffened. Shuuhei glanced at him. In a flash Kensei's lips rose to expose his fangs, his ears fell back and he growled a low blood-curdling growl.

Hisagi heard himself whimper in shock and fear. Kensei was going to kill him and he didn't even know what he had done! As he backed away he tripped over the roots of a large tree and fell on his back. He scrambled up in the same instant, turning to run for Seireitei. Kensei launched himself at the smaller shapeshifter and closed his jaws around his neck.

They tussled in the grass, Hisagi's air slowly being choked out of him. He refused to turn into a panther in front of Kensei, so instead he began to asphyxiate from lack of oxygen.

What saved him was the 69. As he shifted between wolf and human the darker patch of fur on his left cheek became a 69. Again and again Kensei saw his symbol flash before his eyes. In shock and recognition Kensei released his chokehold on the younger shifter.

Coughing and gasping for air Hisagi's human form came to the fore. Kensei stared down at him; the shifter was a young man. Long, bare limbs made of muscle and sinew twitched as oxygen was slowly filtered back into the bloodstream. Kensei's eyes moved up. The alabaster skin flowed over the strong muscles around the young man's hips up his washboard stomach and past his pectorals to the well defined shoulders. Long ragged scars sliced through one side of his face, the other side was covered with a long piece of steel and the 69 tattoo, just like Kensei's.

Kensei released his own animal form. Roughly twisting his fingers in the coal black hair, he yanked hard, hauling the slighter man up to his eye level. Hisagi grunted with pain and tried to get out of the tight hold, scrabbling furiously tearing his knees and palms to bloody ribbons as Kensei jerked him back again and again.

Hisagi snarled and twisted in Kensei's grip shifting to his panther form for an instant, snapping at the restraining hand.

Kensei jerked back and released his hold as the large teeth and shadowy fur flashed too close to his face for comfort. After an initial hop and stagger the young shapeshifter raced away from Kensei, his dark form morphing from that of a wolf to that of a panther in a chaotic jumble.

Kensei shifted with a lunge. He had a hunch that he knew this shapeshifter and with the scent of Kaname Tousen all over him he was sure of it. Kensei chased after him, his long powerful strides eating away at the distance between them, the smell of blood coming back to him on the breeze.

Hisagi wanted to tear off his own skin, for just once to live as a man and not a shapeshifter. Why? Why did this have to happen? Why of all people tonight did it have to be _him_! Hisagi hated his wolf form because Kaname hated it and he hated his panther form because Kensei would hate it. He wanted more than anything to be a weak human, for once in his life, someone who knew nothing of these sides in this endless war, who would never know this inner turmoil. But he was stuck in these repulsive forms and he would never be rid of the strange mix of pride and shame that he felt for them.

His body reacted faster and faster to his inner turmoil, shifting from wolf to panther to wolf and back again, sometimes shifting all the way sometimes not. He ran in lurches and lunges, his body played tricks on him, slowing him down and closing the distance between him and Kensei.

Shit! Hisagi pounded it over and over in his head like a mantra. Shit! Shit! Shit! He could feel his body beginning to stretch towards his true form, in his eyes, the hideous mongrel of wolf and wildcat. His panic soared to new heights, sending his pulse pounding through his body like some crazed drum, filling his ears with sound and tightening his breath in panic.

No! No! Anything but that!

Kensei grinned showing wicked serrated teeth as he closed in on his quarry. The kid was staggering badly now and Kensei could hear low dry gasps that signaled his panic even more than the scent he left behind.

Kensei snarled and leaped. WHAM!

Hisasgi couldn't even squeak his air was driven out so hard and fast. They went down in a tumble of legs and tails, Kensei straddling his back his powerful jaws already seeking purchase on the back of Hisagi's neck.

As a knee jerk reaction Hisagi used a move Tousen had taught him. He bucked his back and at the same time rolled to his left and snapped at the air that whooshed past his muzzle. Instead of completely freeing himself as he had hoped, Hisagi found himself rolling head over heels with Kensei further and further down the incline.

They smacked into a tree, Hisagi taking the brunt of the blow. His head snapped back with a loud CRACK, as he hit the trunk of the tree his body shuddered, involuntarily shifting back to human form, slumping against its rough pine bark with a whine of pain and shock.

Kensei stared down at his quarry. The young man had just hammered himself and was now as weak as a newborn pup. Just like the day they had first met. Kensei remembered the dark hair and even darker eyes that hid their pain and fear, trying to hide their weakness. He shook his head at the groaning boy beneath him. "Well you've made a good mess of things again haven't you?"

Beneath him a hoarse voice whispered "Oh _shut up_!"

Shuuhei opened his eyes to glare at Kensei who was staring down at him in disbelief. Kensei smiled mockingly, baring his white teeth, regardless of his current form. He narrowed his eyes and raised his lips, "_What_ did you say?"

Shuuhei could feel the rumble deep in his chest as he growled too low for actual sound. He could feel the fury pounding through his veins as the man he had admired for so long straddled his waist and gloated down at him, rubbing in his weakness, and foolish inexperience. Did he think he didn't know all that? Did he think Shuuhei _enjoyed _being betrayed, beaten bloody, and thrown to the side? Did he think he hadn't tried to be better?

Shuuhei could feel his eyes prickling hot and wet with his frustration, frustration that had grown and festered since he was a child, too weak to protect himself. Frustration that had swelled within his very bones until it sang in his blood, ripping his spirit to shreds with every heartbeat. Hammering into him again and again the self blame, self disgust, and self hatred that betrayal had taught him.

Kensei continued to perch atop him gloating and cocking his head. "What? Sorry didn't catch that." Shuuhei flinched as he heard and saw the echoing fury in his former captain's face. "Kensei's eyes hardened and began to glow a deep subtle red that grew brighter with every word he ground out. "What I would like to know…" he said his voice a deep rumbling growl that ripped through the air, "Is why, do _you_ smell like THAT BASTARD TOUSEN!"

Something snapped inside Hisagi. He was so sick of it! Of trying to be what they wanted! He was tired of throwing away the pack animal inside him for Kaname! He was tired of pushing out his savage nature to please Kensei! But most of all he was tired of his human heart trying to change its own nature. He was so SICK of trying to be someone he wasn't!

SMACK!

Kensei hadn't seen it coming at all. Hisagi had backhanded him hard enough to send his head whipping to the side like he'd been hit with a baseball bat. As he tried to uncrick his neck he was further startled when Hisagi screamed at him in a ragged sobbing voice.

"_Don't you fucking look down on me!_" He screamed, coming back around for another swing. Kensei caught it in his fist staring down at Hisagi with wide eyes and open mouth as the young man continued screaming and throwing wild clawing punches. "You weren't fucking there! You were there for _one_ fucking, God damned _minute_ of my life and you fucked it up so bad—!" His faced was scrunched up in pain and fury, the two emotions warring with one another made it seem to Kensei that the only things holding Hisagi together were the scars and metal on his face; acting as dark stitches and staples to hold together the ragged soul beneath.

He kept swinging at Kensei's face, his fingers clawing to reach his eyes until Kensei finally got a firm hold. Hisagi snarled in a half sob, more anger than anything else, as he strained to hurt the man who had abandoned him so many years ago.

Hisagi had to bite his tongue to stop himself from saying something really stupid like, "I'm sorry". He _was_ sorry, but not for this man! He still did care about Kaname despite everything, damn his naïve idealistic heart! He had nothing to apologize to Kensei for. _Except for letting him down_, a small defeated voice whispered in the back of his mind.

Beneath him, Shuuhei dropped his gaze and hissed defiantly, "It's none of your business what I've done with Kaname or anyone else!"

Kensei stiffened.

"Kaname...?" Shuuhei yelped as he was hauled up by his hair once again. He flinched as Kensei blew up in his face, "_You_ are on a first name basis, with _Kaname_!"

Oh shit! Hisagi twisted in Kensei's grip trying to bolt again, He hadn't meant to let that slip but he'd been so upset—.

Kensei slammed the smaller shapeshifter up into the tree.

Shuuhei sighed in relief as he was released only to gasp as Kensei slammed his fist up into his gut, driving the air from his body. As he struggled for breath Kensei got him again. The red was back in his eyes, burning like a wildfire.

"Tell me!" He roared at Shuuhei. Shuuhei felt Kensei hit him again in the jaw as he gritted his teeth and did his best to get out from between Kensei's arms.

Kensei saw what he was trying to do and snarled, slamming his fist into the tree on Hisagi's right side, splintering the bark. He brought his face close to the cringing young man and murmured soft, deep and deadly. "If you won't tell me…"

Shuuhei found himself staring into the coldly furious eyes of his childhood hero. He swallowed the lump of fear in his throat as Kensei finished, "…then you'll have to show me!"

In an instant he slammed his palm against Shuuhei's face, effectively pushing his head back against the tree so that his neck was straight and exposed and lunged forward, sinking his large teeth into the thick muscle between neck and shoulder.

Hisagi screamed as he felt the unsuspecting muscle slide and tear beneath the sharp fangs. He screamed again in despair when he knew what Kensei was doing. Memories began flowing across his mind's eye, crystal clear and as unstoppable as water over stones.


	4. Chapter 4

Hisagi Shuuhei walked down the halls of the ninth division, sopping wet. Outside the rain hammered and poured like a waterfall, ceaseless and senseless.

He had graduated from the academy with flying colors but you couldn't tell that from looking at him. His dark hair was plastered to his head from the wet, the bangs clung to his cheekbones and forehead making it seem as though dark thorns grew to obscure his pale face from sight. The white bandage that covered the right side of his face was soaked from the rain and was so molded to the sharp planes of his face that it looked like the mask of a hollow.

But none of these details were quite as telling as his one eye. As he walked down the halls of the ninth division to report to his captain, the lights reflected off of the dark orb, like flames on glass, or reflections on water; bright and distracting. Elusive and evanescent, it shimmered on the surface and the dark depths behind it breathed easily, safe from discovery.

He knocked on the door of the ninth captain's office.

A cold disinterested voice answered him, "Come in."

Hisagi opened the door and stepped inside, his soft footsteps quiet and barely noticeable due to the downpour outside. He stopped three feet away from the desk. _Yes_, he thought, _three feet is the exact distance to put between oneself and one's captain_. His subconscious filled his head with useless jargon as a dam against the memories he held back. "Hisagi Shuuhei, reporting for active duty, Captain Tousen."

Surprise crossed Tousen's normally placid features. "Hisagi? I had thought you would want to take a few days to mourn."

Hisagi replied his voice monotone and lifeless, "Yes, sir, I have already paid my respects to my comrades and I am completely able to take up my duties as part of the ninth division, Sir."

Tousen sighed and looked to the rain outside. With a groan he heaved himself upright and began to walk around the large desk. The distance had shrunk to two feet when he stood in front of Hisagi. A wry smile curved Tousen's lips as he asked sarcastically, "Are you really."

Hisagi locked his jaws and struggled to keep his breathing deep and even. He was confused when his captain sighed.

Tousen stepped forward so that the distance shrank to one foot and laid one nut-brown hand against Hisagi's face, cupping his cheek, he let his thumb glide over where Hisagi's eyelid was beneath the bandage. He brought his other hand up and cupped the other side of the shivering young man's face, running his long fingers through Hisagi's hair and brushing the wet and sticky bangs off of his forehead. He leaned in close to Shuuhei's left ear and whispered in a voice softer than the rain outside, "It is all right to mourn the dead, Hisagi."

Tousen felt warm drops trickle down and where they met his fingers they lost their form and flowed away. As the carefully crafted façade slipped and cracked, revealing the turbulent waters beneath, he took the boy in his arms and comforted him as he sobbed for what could never be undone.

Shaking his head in despair he lowered it into his dark hands, sighing as deeply as his lieutenant.

Hisagi stepped forward trying to help lift his captain's dismal mood, "Sir, I apologize for what happened today, it was entirely my fault I will train them harder!" He promised, not entirely sure how he could.

Tousen huffed out in resignation, "You are doing the best you can with what you are given. They should consider themselves lucky that they have you as their lieutenant."

Hisagi felt his cheeks color slightly from the compliment. Ever since he had discovered his second form and become Tousen's lieutenant he had come to understand his captain a little better and the same could be said for Tousen. Their regard for the other had grown during the course of their working relationship. Hisagi tried again after a long silence, "Sir? I…" He trailed off, not sure how to say what he wanted to express. He was surprised when Tousen spoke again.

"What is it all for?"

Despair added weight to the seemingly simple question.

"Sir?" Hisagi asked.

Tousen turned towards him, his expression bewildered and frustrated, "What does it all add up to? You would think that after so much evil the world would send forth a few good things. That justice might be possible after so many sacrifices…" For no particular reason Hisagi could think of, he felt that his captain's words spoke of much more than the sacrifices made that day.

"You would think…" Tousen whispered harshly, unable to continue.

Hisagi held his breath waiting to hear the rest or at least an order. Instead he was shocked when he saw a single tear trail down his commander's cheek. A thread of silver on nut-brown skin.

Without thinking about his actions Hisagi stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Tousen, just as Tousen had done many years ago. He whispered with a conviction he never felt for himself, "There will be justice…you'll see."

Suddenly Tousen spun around in his arms, a blur of motion that widened his eyes and made him gasp in surprise. Tousen ran his hands through Hisagi's soft, hair and dragged their faces together sealing their mouths with a kiss.

Hisagi felt his face flame up like a match striking tinder. He didn't know what to do! He had never felt this way before but he liked it. SO he let Tousen lead the way. The kiss was chaste but laden with the heavy emotions both were so familiar with.

Tousen pulled away and stroked the three long scars on Hisagi's face. His voice was rough with the raw emotion of the moment as he smiled a slow lazy smile, "And when there is you'll be there to share in the glory."

That night Kaname taught Shuuhei many things. Again and again Shuuhei felt his body melt against Kanames's as naturally as a candle before a flame. Never did Kaname touch him below his waist, kissing him everywhere else, opening small doors and large windows in Hisagi's mind. So this was pleasure! He thought, This was what it meant to love someone!

He let Kaname do as he wished and soaked up every touch and kiss like sunlight on a summer day; all warmth and contentment.

As the pace sped up and Kaname's soft kisses turned into small nips Hisagi felt something happening to his body. Wherever Kaname touched him small sparks raced through his nerves to his spinal column blazing through his every sense until all he could feel was Kaname. Kaname felt it too and together they began moaning for release.

Hisagi whispered his name over and over, gasping and breathless, sweaty and aching from desires he did not yet know how to express, "Kaname…Kaname…oh God Kaname!"

As they reached their climax Kaname let himself shift to his tiger form. The opposite of a traditional tiger, black fur with orange stripes. With a roar of domination and pleasure he sank the teeth of his fearsome second form into Hisagi's right shoulder.

Hisagi screamed in pain and pleasure as the mate marking seared across his skin. The mark a traditional symbol of a life long mate, a contract signed in the blood of the heart. A wound made in love would never heal clean, scarring the bearer for life inside and out. As their voices died into silence broken only by gasps of pleasure nad pain, Hisagi felt Kaname's tongue lapping at the searing flesh, closing the wound.

With a small whine of displeasure Hisagi reached out to touch Tousen's face, "Kaname…"

He slapped Shuuhei's hand away and continued licking and slurping harder at the rapidly closing wound. He spoke mind to mind from his half shifted form. Cold authority echoing from his mind, "Do you want everyone to see this? We are not mates…" He said as the wound sealed shut and began to lose its red color leaving behind only the dark ribbons across Hisagi's chest and the aching hole in his heart where he had been, for a few moments, Kaname's mate. Tousen finished ministering the treatment and sat up pushing back his unruly braids, "We will _never_ be mates Shuuhei. No matter what happens we are lovers, nothing more."

With that Kaname pulled away from his lieutenant and now lover. Leaving him to ponder his words. Shuuhei rolled over onto his side and watched as Kaname pulled his shirt back on, hiding the lovely coffee skin once more. His last words echoing in his mind, 'We will never be mates…"

There were a lot of bites after that.

Every time they made love it was only ever their mouths and tongues, never touching the unspoken forbidden part below their waists. It was understood to be dirty for two men to touch there. Every night Kaname would sink his fangs into Shuuhei's shoulder and then close the wound as though it had never happened. Every night beginning with a promise of life-long love and ending with an even deeper heartache when it was taken away once more. Driving deeper and deeper the empty promise of forever.

"_Kana_—!" The dark man's name seemed to choke him momentarily as the vestiges of what had been struggled with the harsh reality of the present. His thoughts were a tangled jumble in his head, the inane bits of now useless consideration clogging his thoughts and stopping his voice in it's tracks. _Kaname doesn't want anyone to know_ _I've got to keep quiet!_ And yet in a dark corner of his heart Shuuhei realized another possibility for his sudden loss of speech. Now, after the truth had come to light, did _Shuuhei _want anyone to know what he had felt for his traitorous captain?

Tousen was rising above him, lit from behind by the bright searchlights of the helicopter. He smiled down at his lieutenant and lover, his smile wry and bitter as though he had guessed what Hisagi had just thought. His voice, as deep and soothing as ever hit Shuuhei like a slap in the face, "And thus, righteousness dies."

Shuuhei's voice had died long ago, maybe he had never had one to start with. As his lover and superior rose above him into the sky the anguished howls of captain Komamura seemed an almost amusing mimicry of Shuuhei's thoughts.

"TOUSEN! Get down here!"

_Please Kaname don't leave me!_

"Explain to me! Why did you become a shinigami? Was it NOT for your deceased friend? Was it NOT to carry out JUSTICE?"

_I don't understand! Why didn't you trust me? Why didn't you tell me? Have you ever been the man I thought you were? _

"WHERE IS YOUR JUSTICE NOW?"

_Was I EVER anything to you?_

Tousen's reply was muddled to Shuuehi's ears, like hearing noises underwater, warped and useless. Shuuhei knew he would remember this feeling, this sudden heaviness of his heart the growing sense of pain in his chest, as though someone was reaching inside him and pulling his heart out by the roots. Kaname rose higher and higher above him until all Shuuhei could see was the light of the helicopter. A violent star in the night.


	5. Chapter 5

(Warning: Major Angst and Cheese- seriously, some heavy cheese :D!)

Kensei pulled out of Shuuhei's shoulder, the wound pulsing with pain and leaking blood like the tributaries of a river. Kensei was silent for a moment then rolled off of the younger man, saying nothing.

Shuuhei rolled over onto his stomach hiding his face from Kensei. Soon he felt warm breath flutter the soft hairs on the back of his neck. Kensei's voice was deep and husky, apologetic.

"Look kid…" he hesitated, unsure of what he wanted to say and even less sure that he should say it, "I hope you know that the things he said…about you…they're all bullshit."

Hisagi would have laughed at the blunt statement in any other situation. As it was the fresh and painful memories had dragged tears to the surface and choked off his voice. He shrank down further trying to hide from the man behind him.

Kensei sighed. He was terrible with these kinds of things and he knew it. Reaching down much more gently he turned Hisagi's face towards him, speaking kindly, "All right kid? No one is purely one way or another. It doesn't matter what you are, what matters is _who_ you are!" He shook Hisagi lightly, gazing down into his dark eyes with his own earnest amber gaze, "All right?"

Hisagi nudged him away and pushed himself to his feet. He staggered unsteadily and whispered, "I don't want or need your pity."

Kensei froze in indignation, "Pity?" His eyes darkened, "Why the hell would I bother with something as worthless as pity?"

Shuuhei staggered away and Kensei followed him, seriously pissed off, "Oi! I'm talking to you!"

Shuuhei tried to speed up but couldn't. Every time he tried his vision went blurry and he felt incredibly woozy. _Blood loss probably, _he thought.

Kensei grabbed Shuuhei's wrist and yanked. The force was enough to send Shuuhei spinning around entirely so that he was suddenly facing Kensei.

He snarled at the swaying young man, "Why are you making this so difficult? I'm trying to apologize!"

Shuuhei snapped bitterly, his patience and cold reserve worn thin, "Well I would _hope_ so!" He tried to pull his hand away as he turned back.

Kensei pulled, so hard that this time they fell on the ground in a heap. Kensei rolled until he was straddling the young man, "WHY WOULD I PITY YOU?"

Shuuhei stared up at him, something close to despair in his eyes, "Because you think I'm still a worthless, crybaby, little kid." Shuuhei glared up in the silence, "I'm right aren't I? Well fuck you and what you think. I tried! I am trying!" He shouted, "I've striven to be better than I am every single God-damned day! _I've tried_!" He trailed off a single hot tear leaking from the corner of his left eye, trailing down the middle of the 69, "I tried…" He whispered his voice small and ashamed.

He turned his face to the ground and choked out, "I'm sorry that I believed that piece-of-shit, Tousen! But I'm not sorry that I loved him!"

Kensei watched as another silver tear joined the first, trailing down his fine cheekbone to his ear, where it dripped to the earth; a single drop of rain. He leaned down and placed his lips right next to Shuuhei's ear. He whispered soothingly, "I know. I know."

At these words Shuuhei looked back up into the eyes of the man who was once his Alpha, expecting to see some harsh emotion in his eyes. Instead he was surprised and relieved to see those fierce amber orbs warm with a nameless emotion he had never seen in another before.

Overcome with the emotions welling up inside of him he turned his head away, blinking away the tears that had stopped as soon as Kensei uttered those words. After a few moments he felt Kensei's presence disappear into the distance. He relaxed, finally letting his exhausted body sag to the ground and releasing the emotions that had been festering for so long. He cried with the simple abandon of a child, not from despair, not from pain, and not from loneliness. He cried and smiled.


	6. Chapter 6

Hisagi Shuuhei glanced around at the small space of his office, checking to be sure that all was as it should be before he retired for the night.

His day off was tomorrow and he intended to take full advantage of it in a peaceful day at home. Kira and Rangiku had already offered to go drinking with him but after a moments deliberation he had politely refused. Before, he would have jumped at the chance to drown his sorrows but now…now it was as though a wound that had been rubbed raw and reopened every day was finally sealing shut, a hard scabrous crust beginning to form over the tender skin and wounded flesh. As though the painful wound that Kaname Tousen had left him was finally beginning to heal.

For a long time after the betrayal he had tried to push all memories of Kaname away and yet by doing that he had kept him close. Every denial, every crushed thought kept the painful phantom trapped inside his heart. But he could not run any longer. He had not understood, but Kensei had.

Shuuhei shuddered in both disgust and joy as he relived the memories that the half-feral former-captain had unleashed inside him. It had felt as though a festering wound had been cleansed, rough and painful as it was it had released the built up poison of those memories and left him feeling like a young child after a good cry. Tired, still strained and unhappy, but breathing deeply from his core, ready to start again.

He strode with unconscious, quiet dignity towards the door, deep in thought, looking at his feelings from a distance for the first time since he had met Kaname Tousen.

He had clung to Kaname, begged questions of no one who could answer and mourned and pitied all that he was and all that he wasn't, blaming himself for not seeing the signs and not saving Kaname…but now…

He stood with his hand on the half open door his nearly black eyes lost on the darkness inside, even as he stood in the warm light of the hall. His shadow stretched from the door, deep into his office, the only part of himself that ceased to exist in the dark it flickered like a candle flame beside the unmoving shadows of the inanimate, all the stronger for its transience.

Hisagi Shuuhei looked into his heart, walking through the dark chambers and watching the shadows elongate behind him. Every single person one meets in one's life leaves a mark upon the heart, some emotional footprint to be seen years later and wondered at, but the ones that are loved never really leave. They who have lived within the heart, walked the dark halls and breathed in the warm air always have a place there for them, waiting along some shadowed corridor.

In his heart, Hisagi Shuuhei had always kept a part open to Kaname, always waited for his captain, his lover, to come back to him and accept his love. Unconditional and blind, he had kept the throne white and sparkling and the bed soft and clean. His love and devotion had kept the fire a bright warm glow in the hearth.

After the betrayal he had tended to this room with a nearly fanatical obsession and the fire had alternated between a roaring blaze and the barest glowing of cherry-coals, by turns sending chaotic flashes of light and dark through the room and plunging it into a calming den of shadows. Now, as he stood in the door of his office looking back at a dark room, he stood in the doorway of that chamber. It would never disappear, the throne would never sink into the floor, the stone lintel would never smooth out to disappear into the wall; he knew that much. This space in his heart would always be reserved for its original owner, love was that way. It didn't "release", it didn't "trap", but it did age. The fire had died in its hearth leaving in its place a quietly smoking pile of ash and cinder. The dark throne was covered by a thin layer of dust and the bed mussed and layered with dirt. Though the fire had died, this space would never disappear, Kaname Tousen would always hold a part of his heart, would always have the key to this room but from now on Hisagi Shuuhei would no longer be waiting inside.

With a quiet sigh and his eyes cast down Shuuhei closed the office door and walked away from the silent room. In his heart the stone door slid closed with a knelling boom, sealing off the space where he had once waited for Kaname Tousen to come home.

The lieutenant of the ninth division lived in a small apartment above a mom and pop store called The Kangaroo's Pouch. It was a tiny hole in the wall store, fronted by old brickwork and friendly red double doors. The place was full of all kinds of eclectic treasures that were completely random but quirkily fun. In the back of the store a huge stuffed kangaroo sat with its sagging pouch fill to bursting with candy and its large sad button eyes tilted downward in a long-suffering expression similar to a basset hound's.

Kay the Kangaroo was not as perky as he had been in his youth. Everyday tiny, sticky hands would dig around in the pouch for a morsel to suck and chew as they wandered through the aisles of masks, stuffed animals, kites, puppets, colorful beans and lentils, fruits and exotic teas and coffees.

The pair who owned it lived just above the tiny store in their own well-kept apartment, renting out the third floor to Hisagi. Once in a while, Zenia would hobble up the stairs in her soft sheepskin slippers huffing underneath the weight of some large treat for the young man. Many times Hisagi had come home from work to find a triple layer chocolate cake sitting on his counter with a note from his landlady that implored him to eat all of it with a smiley face grinning up at him.

Hisagi Shuuhei walked into the Kangaroo's Pouch, the small, silver bell tinkling softly above his head, like a soft voice welcoming him home. He sidled through the door and stepped smartly aside as some of the last clientele trickled out, laughing and joking as the first snow of the year began to drift to the ground as the lights flickered on up and down the street; clutching their packets of tea and chocolate to their chests as they darted out and disappeared down the golden glow of the evening street.

Sam, the old storekeeper was just locking up. He waved at Hisagi, motioning him closer to the counter, "Hisagi-kun! How are you? I guess winter's first kiss is here!"

Zenia elbowed him roughly in the side, cutting off the cheesy diagnosis of the weather. She smiled at the young man, her dark button eyes twinkling like tiny, jet stones. She jerked her head back at Sam and joked, "Never mind this old fart, he just likes the sound of his own voice!"

Hisagi laughed and started to unbutton his black coat, flicking his hair out of his eyes. He cast his eyes over Zenia again, "Is there some occasion I don't know about?" he asked. The wizened old woman was dolled up in a red, wool dress complete with a red and black hat and some fat pearls on her ears and neck.

She winked at him in high good humor, "Yes indeed, darling! Sam and I were just getting ready to head for the picture show and dinner."

Hisagi smiled wryly, as always, amused by the couple's dictionary. They still used the old fashioned terms for things, like the 'picture show' instead of 'movie theater'.

Sam snorted and straightened up from her playful punch, his wrinkled prune of a mouth stretching in a wide grin that showed off the charming gap between his shockingly white teeth, "Old fart? Excuse me but that would make you an old bat, my dear!" He dodged a wild swing of her purse and pecked her on the cheek, his crackly old voice going soft and mellow, like fire sunk down to the embers, "Besides you know I like to wax a little poetic once in a while."

The two smiled at one another and shared another kiss while the young man looked on. They walked past him to the door saying as they did so, "We'll be out for quite a few hours dear. Don't wait up for us, and we apologize in advance if we wake you up." Zenia said, thrusting her arms through the coat presented to her by Sam.

Sam nodded and put on his own coat, tossing Shuuhei the keys, "Keep the place in one peace for me, will you?" he winked and stepped outside holding the door for his wife as she sashayed out into the street, "After all you are the expert on security!" And with that they were gone.

The young man puttered about the shop checking and double checking that all the doors and windows were locked and that all things that needed to be plugged in were and all that didn't weren't. When he was sure that all was as it should be, he closed the curtains and walked up the steep stairs behind the counter to his own apartment.

********888888********8888888********8888888*******8888888*******

He opened the door to his apartment and stepped inside. As he turned to close the door he noticed how the darkness within was warm and welcome, so different from the darkness that he had left behind when he had locked up the office. The heavy blackness was like the enveloping shadows in a child's fort of sheets, a sanctuary, a shelter, a place of fantasy and reality that above all was safe and grounded.

He crossed the room and turned on the single lamp, a tiny relic, the red lampshade bathing the room in a rosy glow that brought out the warmth in the dark wood trim and honeyed floors, making his skin glow. The young man ignored the beige couch that faced the curtained windows in favor of the warped floor. He sat down, leaning against the back of the couch with his knees pulled into his chest. His eyes lost their focus and for a moment he let himself slip into a state of fuzzy awareness, warmly smothered and cocooned in the safety that emanated through the red lampshade.

He found himself focusing on odd things, things he never would have paid attention to normally but now held an unexplainable fascination for him: the tassled cord of the lamp, the smiling and frowning faces in the knots of the floor, the suggestion of a muscular neck and shoulder in the draping folds of his coat hanging by the door. His eyes alighted on a small silver gleam that winked at him from the doorway between the living room and the kitchen. Curious, he dragged himself over on his hands and knees, just for the fun of it, and found it to be a small earring.

He held it up and grinned ruefully, the tiny head of a cat glittered in his palm, one of Rangiku's purchases from Karakura. They had been having a night of drinking and playful 'romping' several weeks ago and the morning after, she had been unable to find one of the earrings. He would have to remember to give it back to her when he next saw her.

He lay on his side abruptly and rolled across the room with his hands over his head to flop spread-eagle in the broad circle of light that spread from the base of the lamp. He stretched up momentarily, reaching for the edge of the small table where the lamp sat, and very carefully put the silver earring close to its base. Flopping back down he blinked lazily at the ceiling his thoughts slow and syrupy after the demands of the day.

Caught by a sudden fancy, he batted at the red and brown tassel hanging above his head until it was as boring in motion as it had been in stillness. He dropped his arms to the floor with a thud and frowned listlessly at the ceiling; cat-like in his sudden use of indifference to hide his true thoughts, regardless of the fact that the only person he was hiding _that_ from was himself. In the weeks since he had seen Kensei Muguruma he had made slow but steady progress in nearly all aspects of his life. Not to say that he owed it all to Kensei and his blunt power to disillusion, but the man had done a fine job of shaking what had once been unquestionable. Now Shuuhei found himself taking a second look at everything around him, it didn't matter what it was.

Often times, he found himself looking at a flower and suddenly remembering when he had received his lieutenants badge, a glowing moment in his memory; then almost simultaneously he saw the symbol of his office as a reminder of all that had been lost. He would look at a new recruit he would have deemed, green and weak days before and now would take a second look and notice other things about them, little details that made the individual, not a number. He shook his head and groaned, he was even doing it _now_! The constant circling of his thoughts was going to drive him crazy!

He rolled onto his stomach and supported his head on his hands staring unfocused and relaxed at his shadow. He had recently begun to use his combined form more and more often; exploring the darker corners of himself that he had never dared to before. He was still not quite comfortable with the feeling of his sleek and deadly form but it was a start.

He started violently at the firm knocking on the door and twisted his head over his shoulder to stare at it, then gave the clock on the wall an incredulous look. It was barely 10 o'clock! Zenia and Sam shouldn't be back until much later, at least 11 or 12, certainly not now! When the polite knocking came again he twisted his body and silently raised himself until he was standing. Keeping in mind that he had locked the front of the store himself he took the long thin dagger from his work belt lying on the floor and stood to one side of the door poised on the balls of his feet. With an explosive movement he jerked the door open and raised the knife, freezing before the killing blow.

The figure in the doorway raised an elegant eyebrow, "I'm surprised at you, Shuuhei," Kaname Tousen said, his voice as mellow and even-toned as ever, "It is usually frowned upon to stab visitors."

Shuuhei couldn't breathe; something that was trying to be a question came out as a breathy squeak.

The corner of Kaname's mouth twitched and he nodded towards the inside of the apartment, "May I come in?"

Still reeling from shock and trying to wrestle with his feelings and decide whether or not he should kill Kaname anyway, Shuuhei leaned to the side and allowed the dark-skinned man to glide past him into the living room.


	7. Chapter 7

The man who had betrayed the whole of soul society, his friends and his lover swept past the shell-shocked, young man into the living room. His long black duster coat sweeping out behind him like the wings of a dread bird and his deep purple scarf brought out matching ambiguous shades in his hair; all in all he cut an imposing figure.

Shuuhei closed the door hurriedly and swallowed hard. He noticed with some alarm that his hands were trembling.

Kaname glided forward, as confident in his surroundings as if he could see but despite this, Shuuhei noticed, as he always had, the slight tightness in that dark brow and the hidden hesitancy in that outstretched hand that did not disappear until it came to rest on the back of the couch. It was then that Shuuhei realized that he had not rearranged any of his furniture since Kaname had left. For a split second he cursed inwardly that he hadn't. After all that this man had put him through it seemed only fair and just to watch him squirm a little.

Kaname walked the length of the couch, taking slow measured steps and trailing one nut-brown hand along its paler skin, "It hasn't changed," he murmured. He turned and faced Shuuhei, one hand still resting on the couch. He was smiling but his eyes reminded Shuuhei of a cat's, full of hidden malice and sneaking plans, "And neither have you, _Shuuhei_."

Shuuhei looked away, fixing his gaze on the red lamp. He didn't reply, the muscles in his jaw twitching and his lips white.

Kaname paused, he seemed somewhat surprised that Shuuhei hadn't replied to that, he had at least expected some sort of retort from the young man. Hiding his unfulfilled expectations he stepped towards where he knew Shuuhei to be, tracking the younger shapeshifter by scent and sound and the vaguest sense of movement lingering in the air.

When he stood directly in front of Shuuhei, Kaname opened his mouth to goad him again only to pause and assess the air once more. Hisagi's usual scent was strong in the room, a pleasant mix of pine, rain water, and clear, cold snow that usually cleared his head after a long day of touch choices but tonight there was an undercurrent that lurked beneath the usual smells.

Kaname inhaled deeply, focusing on that particular scent. As though a jar of tea or a box of incense had been opened in his face, suddenly the normal smells were pushed aside and the heavy odor of charred hair, wet dog and blood, rose to the fore. The scent was a hammer blow to Kaname's delicate sense of smell and for a moment he reeled with it. He knew that smell! That was the smell of Hisagi's two forms combined, he had never seen the beast but he knew from his other senses that it was a night-stalking fiend. A creature of darkness and blood that lived to kill…and was very good at it.

The thought of that sleek, silent nightmare stalking around this room not long ago left his heart beating like a crazed drum. Though his own combined form was fearsome Shuuhei's was undetectable and bloodthirsty, a very deadly creature for one with his handicap.

When he had recovered from the shock he glared at Hisagi. His words were sharper than he had intended and he felt Shuuhei stiffen at them, "What have you been doing, Hisagi?"

Shuuhei bristled slightly and the smell became stronger, his answer was curt and cold, "I have been using my gifts to the best of my abilities, _Tousen_."

Tousen froze, his face a stilled mask of surprise and veiled cunning. This was not what he had expected. He had believed that Shuuhei would run to him on his return, a mess of questions, accusations, tears and self-recriminations, begging to help his lover on his journey back to soul society and 'righteousness'. Instead Shuuhei had been learning to use his second form, something that Kaname had tried very hard to take away from him.

Years ago when Shuuhei had first combined his forms of wolf and panther, Kaname had realized the true nature within such a joining and had done his best to instill fear and revulsion into Hisagi through his attitude and advice on the use of such forms. Hisagi, the good little boy he had been, had drank his words like a plant drinks water and had avoided that form at all cost; it was the plague, the scourge of his existence. But now, now he was parading it around, using it on a day to day basis, exploring its abilities the way one might with a new vehicle. The dark scent of that form in the air, mixed with the angry and hurt undertones of Shuuhei's own scent, told Kaname one thing and one thing only, he had been replaced in Shuuhei's mind.

Shuuhei did his best not to swallow the lump in his throat or wipe his sweaty hands on his pant legs, he didn't want Tousen to know how nervous he was.

His former lover seemed to recover from whatever shock he had received and stepped closer, his voice was once again deep and even but now Shuuhei sensed a hint of something else, something sharp and jagged and somewhat sour.

"It would seem I was wrong," Kaname mused, "Perhaps you have changed more than I had foreseen, Shuuhei." He cocked his head to the side and asked in a pleasant, considerate voice that didn't fool Hisagi for a second, "But I wonder, how did this come to be? After all, last I saw you, you were a closed individual and above all else you hated that form to be seen by others. Have you grown up? Have you set aside the warrior's way?"

Hisagi tried to keep his voice smooth and even, politely pleasant but nothing more, as if they were discussing the weather and not the tender subject of the time after Tousen's defection, "Neither, I have merely moved on."

There was a slight hiss of in taken breath, "Really? And where are you now?"

Shuuhei darted his gaze to the phone on the table with the lamp, if he could reach it and hit the speed dial he could contact the force and let them know what was happening. Slowly, ever so slowly he began to shift his weight towards it, keeping his eyes locked on Kaname's. He spoke clearly and respectfully, but with an edge of accusation, "I am where I am not so easily blinded"

Kaname's eyes narrowed at this but Hisagi continued his pent up feelings finding words as his hurt, anger, sorrow, and contempt spilled over into the tense air between them, "I am where I can come into my own without interference from others and their visions of what I should be. I am where I can pursue my own 'justice' and uphold it." In an instant he lunged forward, his canines elongated and his eyes the frightening pure black of his combined form as he screamed at Kaname, "I am in a place where I don't need _YOU_!"

With a shriek he slashed at Kaname's face, throwing him to the side as he raced for the phone. He smashed the speed dial for the thirteen court guard squads but before he could relate a message he was felt the rush of wind as something charged him.

Hisagi stepped smartly aside and watched in horror and terror as Kaname shattered the phone with a tiger's paw. In the next second he was slammed against the wall with Kaname's arms on either side of his head, trapping him between the wall and his fangs.

Tousen spoke, his voice a low rumble that was laced with the frightening tremors of a deep animalistic growl. Of a snarling that no sane shape-shifter would ever make, "My love," he growled, "You disappoint me, as usual. Where is your loyalty to your _Alpha _mate?"

Tousen swayed backwards in surprise at the harsh, barking laugh that rippled upwards from deep inside Hisagi's ribcage, "Love?" He snarled, " Loyalty? What would you know about love or loyalty? I was the only one who ever felt _any_ love!" His eyes were hard, dark slits and his voice became a hiss, "You were too busy following your _blind_ justice to bother seeing me."

CRACK!

Pain and panic exploded in Shuuhei's head along with the stars and fireworks as Kaname struck him hard. He didn't slap the younger man, oh no. He had half shifted into his tiger form and the fearsome claws had raked a new set of lines across the lieutenant's forehead and left eyebrow. The air was thick with the smell of Kaname's insanity and rage, a rage so potent that it made Shuuhei's boiling blood cool to a river of ice and his knees turn to water.

Through a curtain of red Kaname Tousen roared at his former lover, the harsh lines of the tiger streaking across his face even as the scent of a powerful feral wormed its way into Hisagi's spinning head. The man he had once known as Kaname Tousen was no more and in his place was a raging, screaming feral, thirsting for blood and it had its eyes set on _him_.

It was then that Shuuhei made an error no one should ever make. He turned his back on the predator and tried to flee. In a flash Tousen leaped upon the terrified, young man, the powerful arms of his second form sinking their claws into the satin smooth muscles of Shuuhei's shoulders, tearing through the layers like a shear through cloth.

Even as Hisagi cried out, the pain and shock of the wound numbing his mind, he felt the cold touch of a needle against his skin through his clothes, the pressure of it being held back by the protective layer of his skin for a moment, then sinking deep into his flank with a stab of pain.

As he felt the invasive liquid spread outwards from his glut he recognized what it was. A sharp, prickling feeling crept along his arteries and veins both numbing and agonizing as it raced up his body, paralyzing him as his muscles began to spasm and twitch like some madman's puppet. It was a drug made specifically to destroy one's ability to shapeshift, it took a good seven hours to complete its work and the effects were permanent. It was what every law enforcement officer feared in Seireitei. An end to the freedoms of the flesh.

Shuuhei felt his chest spasm as he sobbed in fear and despair. Above him Kaname purred and growled in his ear as he began to tear the shredded and blood-soaked garments off of the trembling, young man, "This is _your_ fault. If you hadn't defied me _none_ of this would have been necessary!"

Shuuhei could tell he was losing the battle to the drug as his senses began to become numbed and disjointed, all of it being processed at a glacial speed in his brain leaving him feeling as though he had been pumped full of Novocain and LSD. The colors began to smear together with each movement of his head and his arms were now too weak to hold his body up. He felt his own unsurprised reaction to his body's collapse to the floor and found himself unable to care. All his reasoning, all his intelligence, his morality, his values, all of them were scattered so horribly throughout his fog filled brain that it was as if they had never existed at all.

He watched the shadows on his hands and arms shiver as the muscles spasmed and twitched with a vague fascination. Above him he felt Kaname sinking his clawed hands into Shuuhei's hips, curling around the fragile bones and causing small, red rivers to trickle and curl down the muscles of his trembling legs to pool on the floor. It hurt, oh it hurt but for some reason, that didn't seem to matter much.

Everything looked and felt as though it had been submerged underwater or obscured by heat waves, all ups and downs and strange, unpredictable shimmers that caught his gaze the way a hypnotist's shining pendulum catches the eyes of the volunteer. Shuuhei felt distant from his own body as though he had been embalmed in molasses or honey, insulated from sensation and thought like a fly in amber. He watched the blood dripping off of his shoulders and hips to hit the floor in spurts and splashes; fat, ruby drips that splattered into liquid rosettes on the scuffed wooden floor.

Like hearing a sharp noise through a heavy layer of wool Shuuhei felt the sharp red flash of Kaname's first thrust, the deep burning feeling as he was impaled. It took him nearly a minute to figure out what _had_ happened, what was _happening_, and when he did it didn't seem to matter. Not anymore.

As his former lover and captain rutted his drugged and bleeding body into the floor, Shuuhei let himself fade out, like a frequency on the radio, too far gone to even try to come back.

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Kensei strode down the night time streets of Seireitei searching for the address which Urahara had given him. He had meant to apologize to the kid earlier but it had taken time to find out where he had lived and find a night when the renters hadn't been in. Tonight he had leapt on the chance and was now on his way to see the dark-haired child who had grown into a man.

When he saw the place he snorted and smirked. Breaking in would be easy, he wouldn't even have to break the glass window on the door. Jiggling the handle a few times, Kensei managed to unlock the front door and let himself in, padding with a naughty glee across the floor of the shop to the stairs behind the counter.

About halfway up the stairs the hairs on the back of his neck began to rise. Over the years of living as a half-feral, Kensei had learned to trust his instincts. Right now they were screaming at him to flee or fight, screaming and clawing in his brain as he continued up the stairs, trying to wrest control away from him, to turn and run back out the way he had come. But he ignored that instinct, he had come here to see the kid and something was obviously very wrong.

It took him another landing and half a staircase to figure out why. On the third staircase, just a landing away from where Hisagi's apartment lay, he was sent reeling by a smell so familiar and so powerful that all conscious thought was wiped from his mind for a few moments, his entire body switched over to instincts and one of the strongest desires of any living thing, the desire to survive.

The poisonous odor of Kaname Tousen filled the staircase, his musk so strong it made Kensei's burning, yellow eyes water and his gag reflex struggle to overcome him. Though this was horrible enough it was another scent, a scent that was so strong and heavy that it nearly drowned out the musk that terrified him. The deep and cloying, sickly-sweet scent of blood curled around his nostrils, stroking against all his natural desires for life and stirring them into a blind sort of terror.

After a few moments Kensei lunged up the stairs in a great leap, coming back down in the form of a great wolf. His yellow eyes blazing like wildfires he smashed through the door into the living room of the apartment.

In a quick sweep of his eyes he found no sign of the erstwhile traitor, the room bare of life except for something lying in the shadow of the couch. He focused on it and there found the young man.

Hisagi was lying face down in a pool of blood, completely naked and shredded along his back and hips. And when he looked, Kensei could see the telltale dried blood and semen along the inside of his slender thighs.

Kensei raced to his side and very gently turned Shuuhei's head. He had been slashed over his left eye as well and blood covered the left side of his face. As Kensei turned the younger man over he was struck dumb by the sheer amount of blood that now was sticky and congealing on the young man's broken body. Trying to avoid the worst of it he looked at his face again, so pale that for a moment Kensei thought that it was too late until he heard the soft, rasping breath whistling over the Shuuhei's chapped lips.

He heaved a shaky sigh of relief and began to check vital signs. After a moment he dashed to the bedroom and snatched a sheet off of the bed. When he returned the he gently wrapped Shuuhei in it, trying not to think about how eagerly the sheet seemed to soak up the congealing blood or how much it looked like a burial shroud.

The threat of death via blood loss was imminent and without further ado Kensei leaned down and gently cradled the boy's fragile, rag-doll-of-a-body against his own. Abandoning the stairs and door for a quicker route he leapt out the window and called forth his second form, a huge, fearsome eagle.

As he flew with all haste towards the place he had sworn he would never set foot in again he made a new oath, _If it takes my entire life_, Kensei thought, _I will kill that bastard Tousen!_

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Don't kill me! I will be updating it, maybe not soon soon but soon. (kinda)

Will Shuuhei live? Muah ha ha ha!


	8. Chapter 8

There are many things I would like to apologize for however all I am going to say at this point is that I am very sorry to have left this so long. I have no excuse. Also, this chapter is sadly lacking in furthering of plot. It's mainly tripping out and more of a method for me to get back into this story than anything else. I ran out of juice earlier and this is probably the best method for me to get back in the flow of this story.

That being said, I will not be abandoning this story for any forseeable reason however I may again have a lapse in writing and it may be a while in coming.

Thank you for being so patient with me and I hope you enjoy!

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Unohana turned away from the beeping machines and high-tech monitors; she didn't need to see them to tell her what she already knew.

Across the room the former captain of squad nine, Kensei Muguruma glared out at the world from behind his shield of crossed arms and snarled, "Well?!"

She sighed; the lieutenant had certainly seen better days. He was paler than the sheets he rested on, his lips and cheeks a dull shade of grey that matched the bandages on his face. The kindly healer stepped closer to his bedside and smoothed his bangs off of his forehead, gently wiping away the cold sweat that came back every few minutes. After tucking the sheets more securely around him and checking all the tubes and wires in his arms she stepped away and heaved a heavy sigh, once again mourning the fact that her life's work was so full of ups and downs. Rich rewards and heavy failures and sometimes such wild throes of life and death she was forced to stand like a rock in the ocean to survive and simply weather the chaos.

She turned away from the monitors and faced her old comrade. His eyes were wide and bloodshot and that slight glow around the edges warned of the madness that was always with him now. The madness that had helped him to stay alive all this time, she reminded herself. So far he had been believed dead, dead by Kisuke Urahara's hands, she thought grimly, her eyes narrowed, Kensei's part in Hisagi fukutaichou's rescue must remain secret at all costs.

She answered the long awaited question. "If things go smoothly then yes, he will be fine."

His relief was evident in the small slump of his shoulders and the slight smoothing of his brow. He glared at her suspiciously, "What do you mean, 'If'?"

Retsu Unohana clasped her hands together and listed off the possibilities as her profession dictated, accurately and dispassionately though inside her heart was heavy, "Right off the bat, Hisagi has lost a considerable amount of blood. He may have had several transfusions but if they do not take then he may die. Second," She continued, "Several of the wounds on his hips and spine are very deep, the muscles were torn fairly badly and the stitches can only do so much, he must retain his shifting abilities to truly heal the muscle. But even that is not the worst," she said. Her eyes were grave as she addressed the final matter, "The drug was already nearing the end of its cycle when you found him, I can't exactly pinpoint when it entered his system and I don't know how far it's gotten. We've administered an antidote but if we were too late he will lose the ability to shift, permanently and will be scarred and possibly crippled for life."

The heavy silence that stretched between them seemed stifling to Kensei, it smothered all the light and warmth in the room, leaving it a colder, darker place. He turned and gazed at the near comatose young man, stretched out on the bed completely gone to the world. Kensei's voice was so soft and quiet that Retsu almost missed it.

"But will he survive?"

After a long moment of silence, the most skilled healer in all Seireitei answered grudgingly, "Yes", almost unwilling to promise even that small concession.

He nodded his golden eyes far away. He turned to her and gave an abrupt sigh, "That's good enough for now," he said gruffly. With a small nod and a flicker of shimmering irises the former captain of squad nine brushed past her and disappeared out into the night into anonymity once more.

Unohana watched him go her mind spinning as she tried to hit the ground running with these new revelations the night had offered. At least one of the vaizoreds was _alive_. Aizen, the man who had betrayed them all, tried to murder Hinamori, Rukia, Renji and the others had been plotting for at least one hundred years. How old was he really? What was the true power of Urahara's creation and what did it hold for Aizen?

As she turned to monitor her patient once more her usually smooth forehead furrowed as her thoughts echoed grimly in her mind. More importantly what would it hold for Seireitei? The young man breathed weakly but steadily, his spirit still gripping life with the grim tenacity so common to the souls who braved and survived this wilderness by claw, tooth and talon. Softly, she held one sure hand to her young charge's face gazing down at him, her eyes turning gentler as she sighed and smiled tiredly. Yes, survival was good, she thought, good enough…for now.

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It was strange, Shuuhei felt as though he were afloat on a frozen sea and yet inside he was filled with sloshing, roiling tides of red heat, and where the two fronts met between his skin and muscle his entire being writhed. Out of the confused sluicing of the world around him, sensations, needle-sharp with cold and slow, blossoming heat, gave life to phantoms that Shuuhei had known before. The constant stirring between the outer and inner worlds seemed to have the effect of a cyclone, picking up the debris that even he had not realized was there and throwing it up into his mind like a hurricane.

Each image came hard and fast, trailing fire or ice as it passed through him like lightning.

_The air whooshed from his lungs in a rush, leaving him panting and laughing breathlessly as he used his superior experience to throw Renji from his back. The red-haired ape flew fairly well for a land-based animal and hit the ground with a roll. When he finally stopped bouncing down the grassy runway he barked angrily at where Shuuhei was standing, his canine grin positively wicked even as his tongue lolled about like a common puppy playing fetch._

_As the barking changed to chattering laughter and Renji began making faces as only an ape possibly can, Shuuhei yipped and dived towards Renji again, tail beating the air like a propeller. They went down in a tumble of long limbs and flailing tails. The heat of the afternoon sun baking the dusty air around them and the hot spicy scent of honest sweat stinging the air._

"_One of these days, Senpai!" Renji laughed into his mind's ear, "One of these days I will come out on top and stay there!" _

_Shuuhei grinned wider and groveled in the dirt, relishing the smells of the fresh world around him and welcoming it into his coat, "I'll be waiting!" he joked, "Until then, I am still the master!"_

_And he had come out on top, many years later, after he had discovered his second form, a writhing white serpent, its scales gem-like as they reflected the evening sun. The brilliant amethyst and rose quartz hues swallowed by the night were illuminated by those scales, and the rebounding echoes of their ghostly light filled the corners of Shuuhei's nocturnal eyes._

_Renji stood over him, the long, gangly limbs of his ape form slowly emerging from the slick, steel armored body of the snake. As he changed from reptile to mammal Renji spoke, "I didn't think…" he murmured, "I didn't think I could possibly lose her…"_

_He continued shifting, the overly long arms fading into more human proportions even as the hair fell away to the crimson mop atop his head and those dark tattoos began to coil around his body once more. His brown eyes usually so warm seemed cold and dead in the half light, so quickly fading to night._

_Shuuhei dropped his own feline form and raised himself onto his elbows. Slowly so as not to startle his friend he raised his hand and let it drop to his shoulder, rubbing in circles trying to give some comfort in face of the lost look on the red-head's face. Renji heaved his breath out in a sigh and let his head rest in the crook of Shuuhei's neck and shoulder, hiding his face against his throat. His voice grew strained and trembled, like a muscle forced to exert its strength far beyond what it was capable of, "I thought, after surviving Rukongai, I thought we could survive anything, I thought we would stay together but…but now she's gone. She's been adopted and— and I should be happy for her! But I…I never thought…" he choked up and could say no more his shoulder shaking beneath Shuuhei's hand._

_Shuuhei didn't bother to speak; there was nothing he could say that would make this any better, not now with the wound so fresh. Instead he wrapped his arms around his friend's heaving torso and said nothing as he sobbed into the beginning of night._

_It was cold. Shuuhei thought, so cold. Why couldn't he warm up?! It was freezing and the ice surrounding him cut deep into him, steaming where it met the fire that had been bottled up beneath the surface. Anger rose and shrieked at everything and anything, so long denied it needed no bidding, no reason or cause, it screamed like a child to let the world know that it existed. It could not be denied._

Shuuhei surfaced in the throes of the fire to see people surrounding him, panic in some faces, grim determination in others. Unohana's voice in the background urging someone to hold someone down…

"Isane, don't let go! He's delirious!" Her face floated closer to him through the fire and burning oil in his mind and her voice sounded like the melt-off of a glacier, so cold and distant to his ears, "Hold him steady, we need to break his fever…"

_There was a stream of cold jetting water inside him and he sank through the red into black, the anger that had been so desperate before now extinguished as he fell into the cold. _

_He breathed in deeply and sighed, the scents of his home and the cold winter outside trickling in through the window panes with the clear light. Shuuhei cracked his eyes open to the merest slit, still unwilling to give up on the deeply restful void of sleep he had just risen from. Swaddled in to soft cotton blankets and weighed down by the red and black quilt that Momo had made for him when he graduated from the academy, Shuuhei snuggled deeper into his nest on the bed and gazed with dreamy focus at the windows that were edged with frost and glittered with cloudy sunlight._

_The sound of soft feet padding around in another room of the apartment roused him from his self-induced hypnosis and he turned his head to the doorway of the bedroom. He could smell him before he saw him, the dark musky scent rich with the smells of the earth and exotic spices as Kaname padded through the doorway._

_He was completely bare except for a soft green towel wrapped around his waist, his dark caramel skin flowing over his musculature like the grain of fine wood, begging to be caressed and stroked and his dark hair in its stiff braids, glowed almost violet in the crystalline light of the winter outside. Upon hearing the contented sigh from the bed, Kaname turned his sightless eyes towards him and his usually stern features softened into a quiet smile. "It is unusual for you to be so relaxed, Shuuhei," He murmured. "You are always so eager to be doing that I never see you simply enjoying _being_."_

_He crossed the floor to the bedside and sat gracefully beside his lieutenant, his long, graceful hands finding Shuuhei's face and brushing the now overly long hair out of his eyes and off of his forehead. Hisagi closed his eyes and tilted his head back against the pillows, welcoming the touch of the calloused fingers trailing along his sharp nose and cheekbones and smoothing against his lips and eyelids, mapping his face as only Kaname could._

_Shuuhei could hear the smile in his captain's voice, "Why is that, do you think?" all dark richness and rolling warm undertones. _

_The cool touch flowed along his bones and his own pleasure and simple joy at the unexpected intimacy stroked his own love to flames beneath his skin, in moments like this he felt burnished somehow, like the snow on that pane of glass, Hisagi thought, he was filled with heat and light but could not let it out, nor could he melt. He held these overflowing feelings just under the surface, beneath his breastbone, white-hot and burning, illuminating even in the cold of winter. He opened his eyes and gazed quietly at the kind planes of his captain's face, those silvery eyes filled with perpetual twilight as they gazed into who knew what darkness only the blind see._

_Slowly raising his hand, Hisagi trailed it gently along Tousen's cheek, his fingers hesitatingly curling around the delicate bone and muscle and cradling his face as he spoke. "I don't know," he murmured truthfully, "It always seems like there's no time to waste most days, everything's numbered but today it just seems…I don't know, restful. Like the world's holding its breath." He dropped his hand and frowned slightly, his gaze retreating from the intensity of Kaname's face to his lap, "I don't know, does that even make sense?" he asked._

_The driest of chuckles spilled from the older shifter's lips. "Of course it makes sense," he laughed. He sighed deeply and lifted the covers, sliding himself in beside his lieutenant and curled his body around Shuuhei's, their forms fitting together like puzzle pieces, two of a kind. As he nuzzled into the back of Shuuhei's neck, huffing gently at the way their scents mingled he explained softly, "Isn't winter always the season of waiting? Many poets and artist's label winter as the season of death, when nothing good comes but I've always felt what you feel…" he murmured, "Winter, feels like the season of waiting. It is the held breath, you mentioned," he said, "winter is when all the world is waiting for new life, new growth, new beginnings. In a way," he yawned sleepily, "It is perhaps the season when hope burns its brightest."_

_With that, Kaname relaxed against Shuuhei's back and fell into his tiger form, perfectly content, in the way of all cats, to simply laze in a warm, soft space with another body close by. Shuuhei followed suit, his ebony fur catching the light of the frost and glittering with a silver edge as it rippled across his body, bringing with it deeper, darker sleep._

When he rose from his drugged sleep again he felt confused and washed out. The fire and ice had fallen away and now he just felt tired and stretched beyond his ability. He remembered snatches of the hurricane he had been riding and the sudden knowledge that they were memories and that the crystal winter morning was gone forever brought tears to his eyes. Before he could stop himself, or even reason out why he should have to stop his tears a deep sob shook his body. The beeping and clicking surrounding him filtered through his muddled senses in the silence between his sobs.

Somehow that made it worse. Tears spilled from his eyes and as he felt them trail across the surface of his face he realized that not only was he hooked up to machines like some withering plant in a greenhouse, he was also wrapped up like a leper, his face held together by what felt like stitches and bandages on the right side. A familiar feeling to him now.

The sobs wrenched his body and pain began to flare and throb from his hips up through his ribcage and down through his legs. His veins stung and burned as though they had been cleaned with bleach, fire and crushed glass and he gasped a strangled whine as it raked through him without mercy. As he began gasping and choking on the pain and the bone-deep sense of loss the monitors began shrieking to any and all within hearing range, wailing out that their patient was having trouble keeping himself in one piece.

Shuuhei couldn't move his head to see who came in, but he recognized her voice, Unohana swept into the room and immediately began checking and soothing the ruffled machines and worrying instruments. When she came to one of the IV's trailing from his arm she cast him a considering look and then nodded and pushed open the valve. A sudden rush of numbness crept up his arm and through to his heart, spreading with every shuddering beat until his body had sunk back into an illusion of peace. She came up beside him where he could see her and placed her lovely, cool hands against his brow and unbandaged cheek, wiping away the still flowing tears and chasing away the pain like a bad dream.

His dark eyes were beginning to lose the clarity of sight and he tried to speak past the bandages and drugs, his hands flapping weakly against the sheets. She shook her head gently and murmured softly to him, coddling him like an infant.

"Shhh…Shuuhei, it's all right…shhhh…everything will be all right." The world began to ripple, almost as though her words were droplets of water, shivering and morphing away into shadows and the heavy pull of the darkness once again.

His gaze slipped past her shoulder as the world began to slip away with the certainty of the tides and landed on someone behind her. The features blurred and slipped like ink in water but the eyes burned through the dark, they were like twin suns, pure orbs of golden light. He reached for those golden eyes as he fell into the dark and he felt them reach out to him. Even in the dark they followed him and reached out.

_In his dreams, flowing and streaming like a river those eyes were everywhere. _

_In the eyes of jungle cats, stalking alongside him, in the stones of a river bathed in moonlight._

_In his dream he turned and caught the gaze of a shadowy beast, its form writhing like smoke from a fire and its teeth glinting like metal shrapnel in the light of the night and its eyes…its eyes were the eyes of a tiger. He blinked and they were the eyes of eagles. Suddenly they were everywhere and the lights were golden lanterns filling the sky over a lake, the bright flames defying the laws of nature as they rose to rejoin the stars. _

_He looked to their reflection in the lake and fell into it the burning madness and it was a city at night. The lights flickering and flashing all around him, pillars of spiraling luminescence, Seireitei…home._

_He walked along the underbelly of his city, the night brining everything and nothing to those who waited. In the streets ran wolves and panthers—their pelts melting together—streaming like headlights on a freeway at night. Each and every one lit from within._

_Ahead of him, in the mouth of an alley between the light and the dark stood a wolf with wings and talons for its back claws._

_There were no thoughts, no need for recognition, no decision made, Shuuhei breathed out in a sigh with his instincts and ran forward to meet him and felt himself slide away into the riot of color and light- his fur melting into the bodies of those beside him._

_They ran into the restful darkness of the city's underbelly, flowing like a river._

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Shuuhei woke slowly, his vision swirling and black ebbing and flowing around the edges as he brought the room into focus. A hospital room fleshed out in grainy focus as though seen through a microscope lens, everything stark, white, or beeping.

Unohana was beside him, checking readouts when she noticed his open eyes. She turned to him and looked closely at his pupils and checked his temperature before she asked a few routine questions to assuage whether he was in fact fully conscious or not. When everything fit to her satisfaction she settled herself more comfortably on a stool at his bedside, where he could see her and where she could see and reach him.

She smiled gently, and despite the fatigue around the edges the smile was genuine and seemed to light her face. "Well, Hisagi Shuuhei, I am _so_ glad to speak to you again." She said, "You've had a rough couple of days."

Judging by the bandaging of his face, ribs, and hips and the tubes stuck into his arms, _that_ was perhaps a mild understatement.

Unohana took down a chart and gave him another once over, "I assume you would like to know what has happened to your shifting abilities?"

She smiled dryly at the wide-eyed look of attention he gave her in lieu of actual speech since his throat felt a little dry and swollen.

She sighed, "To put it bluntly," she said, "You have kept your ability to shift but it has become more difficult and the boundaries between man and beast have become murkier. It is similar to being a feral however not as serious," Unohana explained.

"You still have two forms however now the choice may no longer be yours as to which form you wear and how much of it you wear and when. An instinct you feel one moment may lead you to open your eyes as a cat or another to have the snout of a wolf, or if you feel cold your urge to shiver as a human may transmute and you may find yourself wearing a fur coat," She shrugged her shoulders wearily. "If you'll excuse the gruesome metaphor, it is a bit like being caught in mustard gas and surviving. Your forms, man, wolf and panther have more or less melted together into a mess in a giant stewpot. When you shift it will be as though you poured out some of the pot and whatever was at the surface at the time will be what you become."

Shuuhei lay there in horrified silence, as he saw a formless oil slick in his minds-eye, unable to shake the feeling that perhaps death would have been better than this waking nightmare.

Unohana finished her diagnosis on a slightly happier note. "This has been known to happen in other instances and the victims have gone on to live happily enough. Your shifting abilities are slightly less predictable however your soul is still your own." She smiled at him gently but with that quiet steel that was perhaps the greatest part of her, passing on her iron will to the young man facing such a bleak future. "Your mind will always be your own and unlike your attacker you will never need fear that savagery will blind you to what is truly important," At his still and stricken expression her eyes softened and she brushed her cool fingers through his hair gently, "You can only go up from here, Shuuhei, and whatever else you may think we all are ready to help and we all believe in you and know that you will get through this."


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